D’var Torah – March 6

The Importance of Being Patient

This D’var Torah is dedicated in memory of the six fallen Soldiers from the US Army Reserve’s 103rd Expeditionary Sustainment Command who made the ultimate sacrifice in recent days:

      MAJ Jeffrey R. O’Brien, 45, of Indianola, Iowa

     CPT Cody A. Khork, 35, of Winter Haven, Florida

     CW3 Robert M. Marzan, 54, of Sacramento, California

     SFC Noah L. Tietjens, 42, of Bellevue, Nebraska

     SFC Nicole M. Amor, 39, of White Bear Lake, Minnesota

     SGT Declan J. Coady, 20, of West Des Moines, Iowa

May their memories be for a blessing, may their sacrifice never be forgotten, may God and us comfort their families and loved ones, may the Holy One Blessed Be He protect their brothers and sisters-in-arms, and may we carry on their sacred work.

Shabbat Shalom.

I pray this finds you all well.

One of the things that people say about Americans (and indeed what we as Americans say about ourselves) is that we’re incredibly impatient. This might sound like an insult, but in reality, it truly has both its pros and cons.

On the positive side, our natural impatience as Americans has been a genuine blessing in that it has fueled our drive for innovation. If we think we can do things better, more efficiently, more effectively, and at a faster pace and at half the cost, thus allowing us to enjoy a better quality of life, then we’re going to get after it. At our core, we, by our very nature, cannot sit idly back and accept things the way they are. It’s not in our DNA, it’s not who we are. Everything from the scarlet fever and polio vaccines to the Transcontinental Railroad, the Panama Canal, the Wright Brothers at Kitty Hawk, and from the Space Race to the Internet, apps, and AI are all both examples and the fruit of this innovative spirit and the drive that comes from our dissatisfaction and refusal to live with the status quo. This unbridled spirit has fueled our creativity, ingenuity, and success for 250 incredible years.

However, as I mentioned at the beginning, our impatience does have a definite downside. It’s been said that “while much of the world plays chess, Americans play checkers”, and that we have a 5 minute attention span. In other words, if something takes more than 5 minutes, we lose interest or move on to something else.

In this week’s parsha of Ki Tisa (30:11-34:35) we see the cost of this impatience.

“When the people saw that Moses was so long in coming down from the mountain, the people gathered against Aaron and said to him, ‘Come, make us a god who shall go before us, for we do not know what has happened to Moses – the man who brought us from the land of Egypt’” (*Exodus 32:1).  This line serves as the opening words of the fateful and shameful episode that we now know as the golden calf. The restlessness and anxiety of the Israelites almost leads to their downfall, and if not for Moshe Rabeinu’s impassioned pleas, God would have wiped out our ancestors right then and there (Exodus 32:7-14).

When we demonstrate and exercise restlessness, annoyance, restiveness, shortness, and hastiness – the attributes and companions of impatience – we are sending a very strong signal to our children. When we quit a job after a day or week, we’re teaching them. When we tell them it’s okay to give up on piano, football, or advanced classes because of a couple of hard practices that frustrated them or didn’t go their way, we’re giving them an unforgettable lesson. And when they witness us complain endlessly, gripe without fail, and call it a day after we encounter the first obstacle, we’re educating them about our unconscious value system and work ethic.

Impatience has its place and can absolutely be a good thing, but so does patience. Patience teaches us grit, fortitude, determination, and even resiliency. But don’t take my word for it. In Ecclesiastes we read, “The patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit” [1]. The great Jewish philosopher and poet of Medieval Spain, Solomon ibn Gabirol, gave much thought and attention to this middah (value), writing, “Through patience man can avert still greater trouble,” “patience gives peace, haste regret,” and “misfortune may become fortune through patience”[2].

Perhaps Ki Tisa leaves us with a question rather than answer: when is it better to wait and exercise patience, endurance, and fortitude, and when is it prudent to make a fuss, to complain, to kvetch and to create, to make, and to innovate?

Wishing you a Good Shabbos and a great weekend.