D’var Torah – April 17
Kavod is a cornerstone of Jewish behavior and an essential characteristic of Jewish ethics. It is also foundational in human relationships – it is difficult to form or deepen a relationship that lacks basic respect for one another. To this end, Rabbi Eliezer ben Hyrcanus of the Talmud taught “Let the honor of your friend be as dear to you as your own.”[*Pirkei Avot 2:10]
I was taught through Talmud and Torah to cherish respect from the time I was a young boy in Hebrew school all the way through from my years at HUC. The relationship between the schools of Shammai and Hillel clearly illustrates this cherished value:
“Although Beit Shammai and Beit Hillel disagreed (on many critical issues) … nevertheless … they behaved with love and friendship toward one another, as it says in Zecharia, ‘TRUTH and PEACE they loved’ (8:19).” [*Yevaomot 14b:4-10]
“For three years, the House of Hillel and the House of Shammai argued. One said, ‘The halakha (law) is according to our position,’ and the other said, ‘The halakha is according to our position.’ A heavenly voice spoke: ‘These and those are the words of the living God, and the Halacha is according to the House of Hillel.’ A question was raised: Since the heavenly voice declared: ‘Both these and those are the words of the Living God,’ why was the halacha established to follow the opinion of Hillel? It is because the students of Hillel were kind and gracious. They taught their own ideas as well as the ideas from the students of Shammai. Furthermore, they even taught Shammai’s opinions first.” [*Eruvin 13b:10-11]
We glean from these brief excerpts that the concept of respect from a Jewish point of view is no small order. It is more than an empty talking point – “I respect other people.” It is a sincere investment and a verb – an intentional act that is taken to try to understand and connect, even when it’s hard and honestly might be easier not to do so. When it comes to respecting others who behave, talk, vote, or believe differently than us, respect means more than being able to listen to divergent viewpoints. It means occupying an ethos of and commitment to appreciating such differences and leaning in – understanding and embracing divergent opinions and those who hold them. True, genuine, authentic, real respect is not warm or fuzzy. In fact, it is often the complete opposite…it can be quite uncomfortable. It means giving time, space, and dignity to those whose opinions, world views, and philosophies you categorically and fundamentally disagree with. However, it is a non-negotiable element for civility and a necessary ingredient for a civil society.
When I read the news and, frankly, listen to how people talk to and about one another – especially when it comes to current events – my heart breaks. I hear so many people day-in and day-out settling for easy answers, arguing an “us versus them” rhetoric, self-isolating within echo chambers, yelling over and shouting down those who think differently, minimizing the thoughts and concerns of others, cancelling those who are brave enough to offer an alternative opinion, and tossing away decades-long friendships based solely on who their neighbors casted their ballots for. This polarization and disregard for one another has tragically become mainstream. To be clear, there is nothing wrong with criticizing, critiquing, or arguing against another’s points; however, when we tolerate attacking the person who made said points, that is truly a mournful state of affairs. We should all be discomforted by the fact that we live in a world where the art of respectful disagreement, the culture of robust discourse, and the value of healthy debate have foundered in the venomous sea of personal attacks.
As Jews, it has often been said that we are or l’goyim– a light unto the nations. This is not a compliment, but a task. We have a holy responsibility and sacred duty to encourage, embrace, promote, and model an atmosphere of kavod. We get a chance every day to set the tone for respectful disagreement, civil dialogue, and constructive conversation.
Here’s my challenge: let us not be the mainstream; rather let us go against the grain of disrespect by practicing kavod. The world has and likely will continue to have darkness and division. However, mindful that we live in a climate of such high tensions, my hope is that we can rise above the fray and refuse to give up on each other, regardless of any differences that would otherwise divide us, and model kavod for others to emulate.